Checkmate

You don’t really need to know her name,

just remember that her alias is the lady in gray.

She will greet you warmly in her apartment door,

as you enter, visible scattered chess pieces are laid out on the floor.

Soul baring conversations you will never forget,

as she puffs out various shaped smoke from her cigarette.

I am particularly fond of my visits with the lady in gray,

even with the fear of the dark, with her I will likely stay.

Secrets whispered that she hears and holds,

stories of me and her that will never be told.

Her stare has kept me frozen as she whispers “Stalemate”,

then like a swift thief in the night, armed with only a deadly wink

and an evil grin she follows with “Checkmate”.

After each set, the lady in gray sips on her lipsticked stained glass of red wine and lights up another cigarette.

She then proceeds to pick up and arrange the fallen chess pieces, in a similar manner of fixing a broken heart.Then she grins at me and again soflty whispers to my ear “Restart”.

Her stare has kept me frozen as she whispered “stalemate”. -Conrad

this short poem is for Bianca aka "The Lady in Gray". Thanks for teaching me the game of chess. :)

Student Nursing

Officially a Student Nurse

(this is the main reason why on why I have zero time to blog up until now)

So yeah, I am officially a Student Nurse and I have begun my training in the clinical and hospital setting. Whoever told me that nursing was a walk in the park was probably crazy; trust me it’s not, that is why I’m starting to love and respect the profession more and more the challenges and responsibilities involve really brings out one’s potential and drive.

I am done with the adjustment phase, so all my complaining about waking up early, keeping my uniform pearly white (which I thought was impossible) to avoid demerits and the horrid heat in the hospital setting has pretty much gone out the window. I think I adjusted pretty well even when presented with extreme conditions. I am now sleeping early and yes I am proud to say that I have beaten my insomnia problem and now I possess an internal alarm clock which is set to go off at 4am due to my early hospital shifts.

I am proud of nurses, besides hearing from friends and family that my duty uniform suits me, now I can fully say that this profession is meant for me. It takes lots and lots of knowledge and skills, common-sense and physical and mental toughness to accomplish the task at hand. Oh and the patience that is involved in this profession is unnerving. It takes guts to approach and confide yourself with the diversity an

d the different personalities of patients and the hospital staff. That’s why I commend the profession, to some people it might seem or look easy, but for the once like us who takes the stuff seriously and are involved and experiences the different problems and

situations first hand it’s a steep climb, but yep it's doable.

Kudos to nurses and the work that you do, someday, hopefully I’ll hold the RN title and stand among you guys.

“If nursing is an art then nurses are masterpieces”.

-SN, Conrad Garan GCIC-BSN

Breaking Down a Sagittarian.

I never really believed in horoscopes, never even bothered to check them. I believed that the different attitudes and traits of people are based on their environment, company and breeding, but hey, where’s the fun in that? While on a recent out of town trip, me and a good friend of mine conversed and we ended up talking about dreams and the significance of zodiac signs. Dreams were a negative for me, I can barely remember that last time I dreamt about something, but talks about Zodiac Signs definitely caught my fancy.

First off me and my good friend are both Sagittarian’s. The things that he mentioned about Sagittarians are that they fancy bags/backpacks and they love them as gifts. I am not crazy about bags, but to tell you the truth, wherever I go, I carry a bag or a mail man’s bag for that matter for no particular reason. Most of the time the contents of the bag are just an extra-shirt, handkerchief and a book, sometimes I just bring a bag for the hell of it even if it’s empty. Crazy coincidence, who knows? People often ask me why I carry a bag, sometimes I have no other answer but a simple, "I just like to".

Next stop, he mentioned that Sagittarians are fond of trips and adventures. So it’s another plus on my department, although it was not always like that for me. I used to be a stay at home person, where I am satisfied with being a couch potato, listening to the radio, reading a book or just playing video games. I think my turning point was when I joined the environmental club back in the States. From then on out I adored nature and all the pleasure and scenery that it has to offer. I became addicted to the travel channel and likewise I always wanted to catch the travel bug with the sense of discovery and adventure in mind.

Lastly he mentioned the love interests. LOL. The topic had me laughing because apparently some signs don’t work too well in contrast with others. He told that I should date chicks with water signs for a better outcome on love, LOL. That’s the point where I decided to do some research on my sign.

Sagittarius – The Archer

Optimistic, Sense of Adventure, Straight Forward and Focused, Honest and Goal-Oriented.

Optimistic/ Optimism – Hmmmm, I am a bit of a skeptic actually, but thinking about it I tend to lean on the positive side of things. Even when failure is imminent, I tend to look past that and I always have a plan to fix it. Thus I am a believer that nothing is beyond repair.

Sense of Adventure – as explained above, I love to travel, meet new people, experience new cultures, their traditions, their food and I love to writing a review after. I am a drifter and a nomad at heart.

Straight Forward/Focused –this one I don’t agree with, but hey you can’t get them all right? I am not focused unless inspired, be it by friends, family or loved ones. I tend to procrastinate and I don’t study ahead of time, instead my secret weapon is cramming.

Honest - I am brutally honest, and I often speak my mind. I am very opinionated and although I don’t like to argue I like good long talks and interesting conversations.

Goal-Oriented – like its astronomical symbol which is “The Archer”, even though most of the time I am on lazy mode, I am goal-oriented. I finish things when it needs to be done even though it might be last minute. I am determined to finish my career and hopefully be successful in the working field someday and have a loving family. Who doesn’t? So in other words, it is only myself that can stop me from achieving those things, well that and the increasing tuition fee and the horrid battery exams lol.

The one bad thing about Sagittarians is that we do have short-TEMPERS. Which I admit is a crime that I am guilty of. I don’t lose my cool that easily, but when I am pissed at someone, I am secretly judging and planning a revenge plot for you. LOL. Kidding. But seriously, I do have a short temper, but I forgive easily so that’s a plus.

Lastly on the love department: (this was the part that mostly cheered me up) I am in no hurry to look and find but I am somehow glad that the signs are on my side for now:

For the month of June:

Love and Romance: A new moon, solar eclipse in your sign early in the month, on the 1st, signifies that this is a positive time for Sagittarius to meet someone who can be all that you have ever dreamt about. Eclipse energy is strong, intense and can touch you at the deepest recesses of your heart. You also have Venus the love goddess and passion planet mars in the mix, which makes this a time when Cupid can send an arrow right to your heart centre. Get ready to be moved on an emotional level.

All I can say is WOW!

Listen I don’t take these things too seriously, but I like the fun and the whimsicality that is involved in them, something to think about, something to smile about, something to write about and something to look forward too, that’s all there is too it.

What Always Happens; LIFE.

Just when you thought that you had it so good, within seconds the goodness is snatched as easily as taking candy from a baby and everything turns sour in an instant. Guess that’s life and living, at least that what it has always been for me. Summer school just ended, I did sub-par and I am just thankful that I passed all my classes. Have a week’s vacation to celebration for some quality rest and relaxation, ah I was in my happy place, tranquility without any disturbance, and thus little did I know that things would go down south in an instant.

Nothing beats waking up in the afternoon, but the news that I found out when I woke up as I did my regular facebook check has got me beat. A bunch of peeps that I cherish and adore are going sayonara and that for me was a big disappointment. I am very picky when it comes to friends, in that case real friends because as the saying goes real friends are a dime a dozen. Even though I hate the thought of these people leaving, not seeing them in the usual hang-out place and I admit I’m going to definitely miss the simple hello’s, goodbye’s and the ingats while just passing by the corridors or upon going home. I consider myself very lucky to have met and known them in my lifetime.

Why so sentimental? For the sole reason; “What always happens, Life”. It’s basic, nothing is stagnant, everything flows, everything moves on. Everyone has their own thing that they have to do, be it their careers and relationships. Things will go and new things will definitely come, but old memories will stay and hopefully once recalled will sneak a smile upon thy faces.

Enough with the sentiments, like a long list of movie lines “It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later”. No matter where our paths and future careers take us, I am thankful that you guys have been a part of my life and that I adore and cherish your friendship. As you know I am much older and I thought that I knew everything, but you guys proved me wrong and I have definitely learned a lot from you. I wish you all the best and hopefully our paths will cross again in the future.

Trust me, this piece of writing doesn’t do justice on how much I will miss you guys. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and for sure, me and a bunch of your other friends will always be here for you when needed.

Kudos!

Informal Complaints

I don’t really know what has gotten into me but I suddenly feel so tired. Maybe it’s just the heavy burden of summer or again the ever lingering insomnia filled nights that has again filled my system. Both the days and nights seem longer and I lost proper sleep. I have been twisting and turning and the absence of good dreams has been a downer. Maybe it’s the feeling of the summer school pressure lifting away and the thought of having nothing to do in a single week of vacation before school starts again.

Weird, am I used to this? The feeling of doing something every day, waking up early and now armed with a daily routine and school. Do I long for these things now? What the hell is wrong with me lol. I priorities these things instead of sleeping long hours and being a couch potato all day? Because that would have definitely been my first choice if I had to choose. Now the absence of activity is beginning to bother me how ironic. I guess I’m really an adult with loaded responsibilities and so far I am craving and enjoying the work. Nifty!

"I could use more walks". -Amber

The rain might also have been a contributing factor. I used to love the rain, its lazy weather for god sake’s. Now it has been raining for almost two weeks, and I am tired of the gray skies and gloominess. It has been a hindrance for me as well as Amber's because I can’t take her out for walks when it’s obviously pouring cats and dogs out there in every hour of everyday.

This is not me complaining, this is me writing to get the stress and tiredness out of my system. So “the one” if you are out there, I am still looking for you, and in case you find me first; please beat the hell out of the pessimist inside me and in contrast inspire me. That I would really appreciate :)

Not That Bad :)

Not That Bad (an evaluation of the summer that’s been)

I am momentarily gazing at my physics book right now, and I am considering the thought of burning it so it will never see the light of day again, then again, my fondness of books even if it is only lab manual is the only thing that is stopping me from torching it.

The wretched heat is still present, but the long hours of summer school has dwindled down to the last days of the finals. Even though I might fail physics class (praying that I won’t), somehow I am more relaxed and at ease with what has transpired during this summer.

Coming from a recent enjoyable nature trip, I was too lazy to go to summer school. The thought of me spending a full day in class, dealing with the horrid heat outside and the short breaks where you barely have time to eat your meal before the next class starts, in contrast to going out to various trips and sleeping all day really was a downer for me.

During the first few weeks, the so-called adjustment period, I wasn’t ecstatic to go to class. Our previous nursing section was divided and we got mixed with the other sections half. Dealing with new people, new faces and new attitudes seems like so much work.

The first day was not that promising. You can literally hear a needle drop because of the dead silence. Old groups stuck together neither interested in introduction or interaction. Typical behavior and it actually dragged on till the following week. Then the different seating arrangements and groupings came, so we just had no other choice but to deal with each other. How old is the saying that first impressions last? I have no clue, but as the days dragged on, things began moving in a different direction and I began to enjoy the company of the people around me.

Somehow the quiet lead to a good thing, there was little to no argument in class and it seems to me like everybody was fitting in. Then the tides of talk and chatter came and it was beautiful. Conversations and jokes flying around class, sharing of ideas, thoughts and opinions and of course the teamwork required of copying one’s answers from sources and spreading it around for everyone to make the grade. I was amused with the transition. Now I am part of something new, something wickedly beautiful and I belonged.


For all the complaints and crap that I talked about summer, I ask for forgiveness. For all the times that I wished for summer school to be over quickly, I take it back. Last minute bonding with friends in the last few weeks had been a blast. Now I wish that I had more time to get to know each and everyone in my class, but hey if we don’t get shuffled we have the next 3 years to do that and I am look forward to it.

So everyone thank you for such a wonderful and pleasant experience.

Good luck with the finals and please do enjoy and have a safe summer, see you when I see you. :)