Conrad's Crazy Thoughts
Where is my mind?
Friday, April 13, 2018
Spring time
I thought I had forgotten about her, but she was kept away from me, locked away, hidden deep in the underworld or figuratively speaking, she was trapped in the crevices of my mind.
Not to exaggerate but it does literally feels like aeons and mere centuries have passed since I last saw her visage. My knees were undeniably shaking, to think that this heavenly being is now gazing back at me, and her warm delicate smile feels like my skin has been grazed by Apollo's eternal sunshine.
Her delicate beauty and her love of books still ever present, from the day that I met her at the beach, and now seeing her feels like a rebirth, like I've traveled back in time.
In truth, ever since the day we've met, I could never escape the fates, for she has captured my heart and I knew that she would forever remain stiched, etched even, on the fabrics of my being, forever lingering on the labrynth my mind.
It's been ages since I've last written and surely, her chapter was never meant to be over nor she was not just a page in mine. She was everything to me, from the front hard cover, the bookmark, till the ending, the authors eloquent last line.
I've met her at the theater, and coincidentally, I consider film as a form of art, a great creative past time. In all honesty and with my nerves wracking I could barely eat my popcorn, because there was a goddess sitting right next to me, with all things considered, I just wanted to stop time.
I have waited for this moment, and truthfully waiting puts pain in time.
Alas she is freed from the underworld, her chains are now unbined.
Her wisdon, beauty and grace never changing only growing, her lips tinctured crimson, Just like the most elegant flowers in the garden of eden, and with such perfect timing, post haste arrived my dear Persephone, rightful queen of my heart, the goddess of spring time.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Persephone
Persephone
My first meeting with the goddess, and I do not know if she
could remember but it occurred during a Halloween party. It was plain stares, followed by a
small introduction. That was all there is too it.
I never dreamt that I would encounter the goddess ever
again, until I came upon her beautiful visage while camping at the beach.
I was a weary traveler; I arrived at the stroke of midnight
with only the campfire illuminating our reserved site. I scanned the surroundings
to look for my sleeping quarters and besides my tent, there was a faint glow of
light of someone who’s probably up tinkering about, reading or drawing perhaps
in the late hours of the night.
As I awoke the next morning, I sat on one of the coolers and
got some breakfast. An lo-behold, out from the illuminated tent from the night before, there she was this beauty. With the sunlight touching her skull jacket, covering her
lovely face and then she smiled at me while she fixed her hair. There she was
Persephone, our second meeting.
To my surprise, Persephone sat beside me as we reintroduced
ourselves. She nibbled on a bit of breakfast and then I asked her if she played
the guitar. She just smiled, nodded and grabbed the guitar and we played a couple of familiar tunes.
You see, Persephone was a bit of an odd-ball, a cute weirdo
in plain definition. She explained that she belonged in the middle, between an
introvert and an extrovert and that she prefers being home alone, secluded from the world and she would just settle
for video games and that was fine for her.
As night drew closer, I was in a complete trance and I was
trapped in a situation where I wanted to get closer to her like Icarus got way too
close to the sun. My fate was sealed, despite the idea of being burned and
plunging head first or should I say heart first? There was no escaping her. In those moments I was completely hers.
After a few drinks, Persephone was a bit loose. I do not know
if she recalls all the details but I am your author, your Virgil as you may say, so let me pave the path into
writing.
After a few small talks and wine in our bellies, Persephone
held her chest and she asked me politely to walk with her on the beach.
Concerned, I asked what was wrong and she replied that she experiences heart
palpitations from time to time and she just needed to walk it off.
Next thing I knew, my heart was raising, why you ask?
Because Persephone gently asked me if I could accompany her while holding her
hand; now that is a question from her that I would never, in all my lifetimes and other lifetimes say no to.
We walked under the stars and we decided to sit upon the
seashore. As the darkness engulfed the night sky, we both became invisible under the moon and the great constellations.
Persephone spoke of the stars, their meanings and what she
believed in. She believed in a greater power and soul mates. She re-iterated the
concept of infinite possibilities and in her belief that lovers were created as
one and were split and separated only to find the other in another life or in a
distant future.
On the back of my mind, I was wondering if she was my
soulmate right there and then. But I knew that it could never be, for how can a
goddess like her, fall for a mortal hopeless romantic man like me.
As we got back to our campfire, I knew she was not herself
when she asked me to kiss her as she was leaning against my thigh and gently caressing my hand. I got
to admit, it took all that I had in me not to do it, for even though Persephone
was a goddess, she was also a lady.
The night was catching up to us and I knew fall was
nearing its beautiful end. Persephone was back to her old self in the morning
and there was a bit of awkwardness, as I had to explain to her what happened
the night before.
She turned all red in the face, and she apologized with her
quirky smile with a side of giggling and explained that she forgot half the details and she was not herself
during the most recent events.
As fall was a few hours away, nearing and I could feel winter knocking on our
door, Persephone was more open and vulnerable. She told me that never should I
fall for the likes of her, but the thing is I already fell, hard.
From my perception, Persephone was young and hurt. If only I
possess the tools to repair her right there and then I would, but it was really
up to her to find herself.
I enjoyed my last brief moments with Persephone, only
consumed with lingering thoughts on when I would get to feel her warm
hands and gaze upon her quirky smile once again. Alas, one can only hope.
Fall has ended, thus the goddess Persephone had
to take her leave and once again, become queen of the underworld until the
seasons turn.
I, will wait for her.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Item 2 on 30 Things.
Number 2 on 30 Things
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
I am afraid of the dark.
Yes, I admit it. I always have a night light turned on when I sleep.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away I use to adore the dark. But
all that changed when I started watching horror movies such as “The Ring” and
“The Grudge”. You see I have a very wild and crazy imagination and when the
lights are all out my mind see’s and make up things that don’t exist. I even
check under the blankets to make sure that no freaky Japanese ghost or any form
of monster or meanie is waiting for me beneath the covers.
Fact: I can sleep with the lights out when I am next to someone as long as
it’s not a ghost.
I am terrified of drowning.
I am super sorry, but you can’t count on me to save your life when we're
trapped and drowning at sea, or otherwise we would both drown to death. I have
nothing against the sea; in fact I adore the ocean. When I went up to Canada I
learned how to drive a boat and I think I’ll be a pretty good fisherman because
during the same day I caught a bucket full of fish with my uncles. But enough
of that, bottom line is I never learned how to swim and I had a traumatic
drowning experience. When I was about seven years old I was pretty brave and
stupid so I went astray while swimming in the ocean. I stepped on a sharp sea
shell, I panicked and took a few steps, last thing I knew I was drowning and
clinging to dear life. Luckily my aunt was there to save me. From that day on,
I threw curses at the sea. Oh and I think I swallowed a gallon of salt water
and was throwing up like crazy.
Fact: I can swim straight in long strides and distances, but I don’t know
how to do the floating egg beater leg thing.
I am afraid to die.
I tend to frown upon people when they say that they want to die a certain
age that’s younger than 70 or the “die young” term. If it was up to me
I would want to live forever. Life is too beautiful but at the same time too short and I dread that
there is nothing after death except for boring silence. Knock on wood but I
only had one near death experience. It was a car crash when I, my uncle and
aunts and my grandma were driving up to Manaoag to have our vehicle blessed. We
were sandwiched by two vans. Everything was so fast and at the same time also in
slow motion, because I can literally see my eye glasses fly and I saw the
particles of our windshield tear and scatter into smithereens. Our car was totally
wrecked but so far only minor injuries and bruises. I sustained a bruised leg
but I’m glad that everyone in my family was fine. I am a catholic, I do believe
that there is a God, but I like the concept of Buddhism which is
“reincarnation”. I do hope that there is life after death. If I was ever to be
reincarnated I would like to be a tree, a turtle or a mountain and stand the
test of time.
The start of 30 things.
Number 1 on the 30 Things List.
20 Facts About Myself
1.
I have been playing the guitar for 12 years.
2.
I love sleep and naps.
3.
I am a dog person.
4.
I dread fish and vegetables.
5.
I am a dual citizen. (Filipino/US)
6.
I am a movie buff.
7.
I adore 90’s music.
8.
I love the color black.
9.
I only wear sneakers for footwear.
10.
I love being alone.
11.
I am a writer and a reader.
12.
I am very pessimistic and lazy.
13.
I am a very loyal person.
14.
I love coffee and breakfast.
15.
My favorite dish is kare-kare or anything with
bagoong.
16.
I love the rainy season and winter.
17.
I like learning and knowing new things.
18.
I love going on dates.
19.
Cookies and Cream ice cream is my weakness.
20.
I believe that laughter is the best medicine.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Non-Smoker
I sometimes wish that I
smoke. Not for the reasoning of being in with the “it” smokers crowd or the new
phase of the electronic generation of e-cigarette users. Although I do confess
that those aromatic smell of the e-cig flavors almost got me to join in.
I want to smoke for the
solitary factor or probably for the wonderment that every puff does relax and
steady the mind. I tend to think too much and worry about things, and smoking does
seem to help others un-think.
If only smoking really
gives you the freedom to forget your worries, and for you to not give a fuck
about things in the clear then I would definitely give it a go.
But I never smoked in my life
and I am not planning to pick up the habit anytime soon.
So you might be asking
yourself what do people like me do to ease the mind and chill? Me, I take
comfort in silence and write all things that come to mind. If inspiration or
thought is enough then I transcribe my thoughts and convert them to poems. If
all else fails I take a nap, and trust me, a nap solves everything.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
Your beauty is way too fair,
as rainy days like these are rare.
This infinite growing sadness,
harnessed pools of shallow madness.
Deeply falling to the endless abyss,
as I yearn and long for your
warm embrace and deep tender kiss.
The infinite rain drops they keep rolling,
as the shadows come creeping and crawling.
I lie awake with eyes half closed,
Thoughts of you in my brain, overdose.
With your lovely presence,
life would have essence.
Now wide-awake, dreaming,
with you in it, surely
life would have meaning.
life would have meaning.
Under the cover of blankets
your heart will be my trinket.
My lady,
You’ll drown away my sorrows
and I promise you,
I’ll be your forever and tomorrow.
(Haven’t blogged or written any poems for a while, probably
inspired or most likely feeling good about the cold weather. Nonetheless happy
reading.)
Credit's to the Pumpkins; Im stealing your album title. :)
Friday, May 4, 2012
Afterthoughts Before an Almost Over Summer
Just ended
my midterms, what’s done is done. No more worries time to relax. Summer is a
breeze or lack thereof. The weather had been scorching hot and that’s all I can
complain about, all has been fine and dandy with summer school and my college
schedule has been cooperating with me.I have plenty enough time to hit the snooze
button.
Puppy Updates:
The puppies are now a
month old. They are as cute as a button but sometimes they can be quite annoying
because of the minor squeaks and cries that they produce which caused me numerous time to wake up from my deep sweet slumber. I have decided to keep
one of Amber’s litter, a female whom thy name shall be “April”. I have been
trying to feed and introduce the puppies to puppy food, but so far I find it to
be quite hard and troublesome since they are still latched to their momma Amber’s
milk. So far there are improvements but progress is slow. My original plan was
to release the puppies when they are about 6 weeks old, but right now that plan
seems to be a long-shot, you see, I can’t release the puppies until they are
able to gobble up the puppy food with no problem, I guess it’s just a matter of
time now, till then I just have to wait and tough it out. Amber is obviously
still breastfeeding so I still can’t take her out for long walks. Amber has
been an angel though and for a new mom, she’s doing an excellent job in taking
care of her pups.
Braces:
I have been thinking/contemplating
really hard about getting braces because gasp…. My worst fear or phobia is
actually going to the dentist. I was traumatized when I was a kid, felt like I
was strapped on an electric or execution chair and don’t get me started on the
needles. I guess I can say that my teeth is okay, and I have a fang tooth which
I consider as a lucky charm but
nonetheless despite the horror and the pain I have decided to do it and face my
fears. Sunday, I’ll have my x-rays taken and then comes the train tracks.
Concerts:
I popped the cherry and
finally experienced a concert here in the Philippines. I was supposed to watch
Incubus I think mid October or November but they ran out of tickets in no time.
I was running low on cash, so instead of getting a good seat and watch the
concert alone I decided to split my moola and watch it with two of my closest
friends in the upperbox section or in other words termed as the "nosebleed seats".
Overall the view from the nosebleeds was not that bad and I was pleased that a
lot of people were in that section with us just for the simple reason that they
love the music. Vertical Horizon and Ed Kowalcyk of Live were the bands that
were playing, and thus the two bands did not disappoint. I grew up in the 90’s
so alternative rock is my genre of choice. The first songs that I learned when
I decided to pick up and play the guitar was “Selling the Drama” by Live and “Best
I Ever Had” by Vertical Horizon, so to see this guys live really revived my
soul about the good old days when music had meaning, soul, substance and the power
to connect people.
Magic the Gathering:
If you hadn’t known already,
I’m a self confessed nerd. So to nerd based items I shall stick. Like mentioned
above I have a bunch of spare time in the pm hours, but since it’s summer and
the temperature outside can literally cook and egg, me and my friends turned
nocturnal meaning we only go out late at night when the sun refuses to shine.
So when I got bored I decided to pull out my old Magic Deck and gave it a whirl
(my friends have a bunch of old decks too). To my surprise from what I remembered,
it was still oh so awesome and entertaining since I started collecting and
playing during the 5th grade which was, believe me ages ago. So far everything is good, my circle of
friends have been learning and playing the game quite well and now I hear nerd
lingo here and there which is definitely music to my ears. Right now I am so
hooked and hopefully my fellow nerds feel the same way, for the reason that
these cards can make those epic fun nights nerdier and longer and these cards have the ability to halt this summer boredom.
On a sidenote:
As I awoke from my
afternoon nap yesterday, I came across a very surreal sight. Most would say
that the sky was bleeding. Apocalypse/Armageddon type of stuff. I was weirded
out at first but I kinda liked it. To the peeps who panicked; turns out it was
just too much dust-pollution particles around the city which tends to attract and trap yellow
and red colorations. Well well, it’s just a sign to clean up our act in the
city and do more things to lessen pollution.
Thoughts are now dwindling….
in 3…2..1. Dissapearing.Empty. Goodnight.
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