Leaving

If only love can save us,

then I guess we're both doomed.

Just the thought of you leaving

leaves me in a surreal state of gloom.

I haven’t mustered the courage

To really tell you how I feel.

I really do want to take my chances,

Hoping that finally this time,

the love that I feel for you is not just infatuation
 but is sincerely and truly real.

I have thoughts of holding you close my dear,

thoughts of having you near.

Check my heart with your stethoscope,

and you’ll hear it pretty clear.

Every beat represents my hidden feelings for you,

Yet now they beat thrice as fast.

Knowing that my secret love for you,

will remain hidden, will fade in time and pass.

I don’t know where you’re going,

nor I haven’t got a clue.

All I know is that my heart
 would be shattered to pieces

and my insides would turn blue.

I only I could control the future,

and if only I could stop time.

Yet  I am bound by chains,

only human, left with just the longing,

and the afterthought, what if you were mine?

-solely for the one who has caught my attention and captured my heart 

A Dog Article: Finders Keepers

"What should I name you?"

A friend of mind recently joked around and messaged me on facebook telling me that instead of that crazy cat person, I was turning into that crazy dog person. I just laughed it off, but part of it was totally true. I have become obsessed with my dogs and I can’t imagine life without dogs especially in my busy and stressed out college student life. Amber to me has been priceless, and a dogs value is truly underrated. After all my hell and hectic days in my hospital duties and school, when I get home she’s always there to pounce, play and please and yes I deeply believe that sometimes pets are better that most people simply because they give you unconditional love, they are always there for you, they never talk back, judge or nag and they are full of positivity and they just aim to please.

Amber just gave birth recently, and the puppies are a tad cute. If I only have the time and space to take care of her litter I would never sell any of the puppies, but like mentioned above I am still a busy as a bee college student and the third year of my student nursing life is fast approaching. (The third year of nursing is the make it or break it stage, it’s the most stressful year from 99% of the nursing peeps that I’ve talked to.) The silver lining is despite all that; I have decided to keep one of her litter, in fact another female who’s name sake is still up in the air. (It’s a tossup between April, Audrey and Aubrey and Arya).

I still have the puppies and I will release them 6 weeks prior from now. Luckily I found a good home for the rest of the puppies, very good friends of mine whom I know to be dog enthusiasts like me and will surely take care of the puppy.

So far for updates, new mommy Amber is doing really well. The only thing that sucks right now is that I can’t take her for our daily walks because she is still breastfeeding the babies. I am pretty excited and giddy though to see the puppies grow. Right now they are trying to stand up and it’s pretty funny when they try to get up and they tumble around instead.

Crazy dog person, call it as you see it. All I know is, and dog lovers like me would agree that dogs not only serves as companions, they become part of you and your family and owning a dog or any pet have positively serious effects and can extend your life. Don’t believe me? Check out this article: http://pets.webmd.com/ss/slideshow-pets-improve-your-health

Dog’s Rule!

Summer Romance

"Fall for you, I shall".

Like the dry chapped earth

that longs for the monsoon rains,

lost lover I long for you.

Summer has gotten to me,

I am dehydrated, 

heat-stroked and in a state of trance.

I long for you my summer romance.

Rare, like you

little whispers of the wind,

makes the dry leaves flicker and dance.

They bring questions of you.

Questions of your arrival,

if you could sing or dance,

It both our hearts would work,

if you could save me from this dry love spell.

My dear, despite the conditions,

I'll prove my love for you,

just give me time and chance.

 Summer only lasts for a few months,

but then again takes its sweet sweet time.

Waiting and praying for you, although petty

seems like such heinous  crime.

Raindrops of June, 

please grace me with your presence soon.

For rain showers not only brings beauty,

the monsoon and the bloom of June flowers.

It also brings hope, and the thinking

that after the rain and at the end of that rainbow,

Summer has transitioned to Autumn, which is

also known as the term “Fall” and by that time,

if I ever I find you my dear, 

then "Fall for you I shall".

-for the hopefuls and the lost lover.

Maternal and Puppies :)

I awoke from my deep slumber to the sound of two small squeaks. Thus, without hesitation I rose from my bed as fast as I could and an immediate smile greeted my face. My dog/daughter Amber has given birth to two of the most lovable puppies in the world. I patted Amber on the head as a sign of kudos to her successful delivery. Although I wish I was awake during the time of her first delivery to assist or comfort her in any way I can. To my excitement, I eagerly stretched my hand to touch one of the newborn pups but to my disappointment, Amber growled at me and she almost bit me. After that I was a little hesitant and kind of disappointed that she wouldn’t let me touch her liter. Still based on the books I read and with Amber’s maternal instincts kicking in, I knew that Amber was just being protective of her young ones and that behavior is natural and a given to any dog who just conceived.

A span of 30 minutes has passed and she delivered the 3^rd puppy without a problem. I proceeded to make my early morning coffee as I waited for the next puppy. After another 20 minutes or so she delivered the last one. At that point Amber looked pretty worn down, so again I patted her head and I gave her some milk and she gulped the milk down like it was nothing. On a side note, as an advice to fellow first timers on dog births, only give calcium to a dog during active labor, it’s a proven fact that calcium helps the dog’s pushing efforts and of course this is based on research. After that I had to change the linens of her birthing box so all of them would be clean and comfy. Changing the linen box proved to be quite a handful. First off I couldn’t touch the puppies or I might get bitten and of course with the obvious fact that Amber does not want to be separated from her whelps even for just a second. Still I had no choice and I had to do it. So I grabbed Amber’s leash and I had to put her and I tied it my door know. She was pretty upset, hesitant and she wanted to go back to her pups in a heartbeat. I felt a little sick to my stomach and my heart dropped during that scenario. I suddenly missed and remember my mom and how I knew that like my Amber, she would do anything for her children and by that lesson I promise to do the same if I ever have children of my own in the future. Any who I was like “the flash” literally, I think I changed the linen and bedding in under a few seconds and I returned Amber to her pups asap. She immediately dashed, licked and smothered her pups, as a signal telling them that Mommy’s here and that everything would be okay which was really delightful sight to see.

I got to admit, I was pretty surprised and pleased with Amber’s actions considering that she’s a first time mom. She’s doing an awesome job of taking care of the puppies. She has a litter of four, three of which are females and a male. Also I am now able touch her pups without Amber trying to take a nip at me which to me was pretty heartwarming. It is now day 6 and so far so good. I am looking forward in seeing her pups grow and I can’t wait to cuddle and play with them. More updates soon enough.

P.S.

I would like to apologize to those peeps who are asking for puppies. I only have four and I plan on keeping one and even before Amber was preggy those pups were already on the reserve list. So let’s just see who gets lucky the next time Amber gets pregnant.

Always Talking Bout Changing :)

Always Talking Bout Changing :)

Ah the hopefuls, and yes I am back to blogging due to the fact that the Christmas break has screwed up my hours of sleep and of course the need to let out ideas and thoughts out of my brain in the form of writing. First of I would like to greet everyone a Happy Happy New Year. 2012 marks the apocalypse but I highly doubt it, I am still hopeful and optimistic about the future, and hey it’s a new year and it’s never too late to discover things and re-invent yourself.

Still I am lazy because of the holiday vacation haze. School has started today and again I felt the heavy weight of books, knowledge and cramming but I am ready. Also I have started my exercise regiment today and I promise to follow through on my new year’s resolution which is to lose tons of weight and live a healthier lifestyle. I have started running again and I increased my evening walks with Amber from 30 minutes to 45 minutes, needless to say while typing this my body is sore but it’s a good thing cause I can feel the tiredness creeping in and hopefully I’ll get proper sleep back in no time.

Amber is fast asleep with just the sound of the air conditioning and alternative songs on the background. Usually she would still be hyper after our walks begging me to play fetch with her but I think that extra 15 minutes got the best of her.

I read a few articles indicating that walking your dog is not only good for your canine companion but it also has tons of benefits for the owner as well. So in a nut shell it helps you lose weight and it also makes you a tad more cheerful which is good for the heart. I am a cardio lover hands-down and I’m not going to say that I’m going to try cause God knows I’ve tried and failed a lot of times with the exercise regiments, this time I am going to promise that I am going to commit. Less time sleeping and being a couch potato and more time getting my butt back to shape, besides I promised my brothers that I would be in shape before I finish nursing and that’s a promise that I long to keep.

School comes with stress, it’s a given. I need to find a few more things to do to clear my head from the hustle and burn-out of school. Last year I was barely able to finish a book, this time instead of watching a marathon of television series I vow to at least finish a few books to get my creativity and imagination running again cause I’m stuck at stalemate and my day dreams are beginning to fade out.

I am deeply looking forward to the promises of 2012. More adventures and travels, things to write about, Love and all that fun stuff is still up in the air, I have a feeling that this is the year, sooner or later I’m gonna be able to fly and get there. CHOW!

Checkmate

You don’t really need to know her name,

just remember that her alias is the lady in gray.

She will greet you warmly in her apartment door,

as you enter, visible scattered chess pieces are laid out on the floor.

Soul baring conversations you will never forget,

as she puffs out various shaped smoke from her cigarette.

I am particularly fond of my visits with the lady in gray,

even with the fear of the dark, with her I will likely stay.

Secrets whispered that she hears and holds,

stories of me and her that will never be told.

Her stare has kept me frozen as she whispers “Stalemate”,

then like a swift thief in the night, armed with only a deadly wink

and an evil grin she follows with “Checkmate”.

After each set, the lady in gray sips on her lipsticked stained glass of red wine and lights up another cigarette.

She then proceeds to pick up and arrange the fallen chess pieces, in a similar manner of fixing a broken heart.Then she grins at me and again soflty whispers to my ear “Restart”.

Her stare has kept me frozen as she whispered “stalemate”. -Conrad

this short poem is for Bianca aka "The Lady in Gray". Thanks for teaching me the game of chess. :)

Student Nursing

Officially a Student Nurse

(this is the main reason why on why I have zero time to blog up until now)

So yeah, I am officially a Student Nurse and I have begun my training in the clinical and hospital setting. Whoever told me that nursing was a walk in the park was probably crazy; trust me it’s not, that is why I’m starting to love and respect the profession more and more the challenges and responsibilities involve really brings out one’s potential and drive.

I am done with the adjustment phase, so all my complaining about waking up early, keeping my uniform pearly white (which I thought was impossible) to avoid demerits and the horrid heat in the hospital setting has pretty much gone out the window. I think I adjusted pretty well even when presented with extreme conditions. I am now sleeping early and yes I am proud to say that I have beaten my insomnia problem and now I possess an internal alarm clock which is set to go off at 4am due to my early hospital shifts.

I am proud of nurses, besides hearing from friends and family that my duty uniform suits me, now I can fully say that this profession is meant for me. It takes lots and lots of knowledge and skills, common-sense and physical and mental toughness to accomplish the task at hand. Oh and the patience that is involved in this profession is unnerving. It takes guts to approach and confide yourself with the diversity an

d the different personalities of patients and the hospital staff. That’s why I commend the profession, to some people it might seem or look easy, but for the once like us who takes the stuff seriously and are involved and experiences the different problems and

situations first hand it’s a steep climb, but yep it's doable.

Kudos to nurses and the work that you do, someday, hopefully I’ll hold the RN title and stand among you guys.

“If nursing is an art then nurses are masterpieces”.

-SN, Conrad Garan GCIC-BSN