Liligaya

Dahil wala kana, wala ng saysay
humiga dito sa aking kama.
Dahil wala kana hindi na malasa
ang kape at pandesal sa umaga.

Dahil wala kana, kahit comedy ang
palabas, wala na kong ganang tumawa.
Dahil wala kana, wala na sa tono ang
aking mga kanta at pagigitara.

Dahil wala kana, mas mahaba na ang mga
gabi at kay bagal na ng pagsapit ng umaga.
Dahil wala kana, naglaho na ang kulay ng
mundo ko at nawalan na ko ng pagasa.

Pagkalipas ng ilang araw, buwan at taon,
pinilit na bumangon at sinubukang tumawa.
Sinubukang maghanap ng iba, pero ikaw
padin ang hinahanap at nakikita.

Pinilit na limutin ka at ibaon ang iyong
mga alaala. Hindi malaman kung bakit
naglaho kanalang at nawala kagaya ni
Francis M. at Ely Buendia.

Ngayong tambay nalang at nagtatanong
sa Diyos kung kelan ulit liligaya.
Maria Clara sana mahanap kana ng
puso kong uhaw at nagdurusa.

Ngayon nagbibilang nalang ng araw
na may dumating na bago na
magpapahalaga. Nagaantay nalang
ng ulan kagaya ng Rivermaya.

Pagdating mo, pangako ko sayong
mamahalin ka kagaya ng pagmamamahal
ni Florante kay Laura. Pangako sayo na ang
pag ibig natin ay mas matindi pa kay Angelo
at Ina.

Prinsesa pwede bilisan mo na?
Kasi pag hindi ka dumating, iiputan na ko
ng ibong Adarna. Kaya kung pwede sagipin
mo na ko katulad ni Darna.

Ayokong maging bato, gusto ko pang
kumain ng fishball, maligo sa ulan,
makinig sa Eraserheads, at katulad
ng kanta nila Lumigaya.

(tula para sa mga tropa, insan at mga alaala. Rock En Roll)

You were there.

Last Night,
I actually pretended that you were there.
Sitting and smiling across from me from that empty chair.
I made your favorite dinner, even lined up the spoons the forks and plates.
Candle light lit and fresh roses, while holding a smile that’s absurdly fake.

I actually miss your stare and
how you run your fingers slowly through your hair.
I got hungry but I didn’t crave for food.
Instead I wanted to taste your skin,
your soft lips and the feeling of lust
just from the slightest touch of your finger tips.

Then I leaned over waiting for a kiss,
waiting for your lips to touch mine,
standing by for sparks to fly.

Sadly all I get is a kiss back from the wind
and the feeling of nothingness.
I felt numb and at the same time sick
I wanted to throw up, I wanted to drown.

Surrounded by silence, like raindrops I can hear
the tears dripping as they touch my plate.
I didn’t eat dinner,
I didn’t touch my food,
I didn’t feel hungry anymore,
because my heart and soul wont cooperate.

I stood up silently and wiped my tears.
took a few steps forward and reached for the sink.
Turned the faucet slowly and waited a few seconds
As I feel the warm become cold.

Next thing I knew, I felt pain.
The coldness of the water and how it burned my skin
Not used to the feeling na wala kana at hindi kana sakin.

(Dedicated to the peeps who have been through hell and are trying to make their way back, just a few more steps and your already there)

Guitar

You remind me of my guitar.
When I saw and heard you I knew that I wanted you.
The smoothness of the wooden sound board reminded me of your skin.
The shape and the curve of your body, gave me goose bumps from within.
Your strings and the sound it makes when it is plucked or strummed
got my attention like how a moth is attracted to flame.

When you were in my arms no moment felt lame.
The chords, the rhythm, and the songs it all sounded neat.
It felt good when your body was next to mine.
You sitting on my lap, while my arms were wrapped all around you.
My left hand grazing your neck while my right feeling your body.
The movements of my fingers were all so fluent and accurate.
My hand developed a mind of its own and it knew
where to touch you in all the right places which made you sound great.
Everything was in harmony but then came the bitter.

The longer I strummed you the older and looser you got.
Your pegs developed rust and your body and insides collected dust.
Your hard strings made my fingers ache and I developed calluses.
You didn’t sound so good and that didn’t go all too well with my mood.
I got sick of you so I took out your case, opened my cabinet and put you
in your place. I just needed time away from you.

Then I turned on the radio, alas it was all 90’s music which reminded me of you.
How’s it gonna be when you don’t know me, Sweet you rock and sweet you roll.
I only wanna be with you, I wish you were here and that you really are my wonderwall.
I realized that everybody hurts and that I want you bad.
So I decided to take you out of your heart shaped box and caress you down.

I know you all too well, so restringing you was easy.
I wiped the dust of your body which revealed scratches
that had developed over time, not because of you but because of me.
It made me realize, that everything wasn’t entirely your fault
but it had a lot to do with me too.
How I didn’t take care of you as evident from the dust and the scratches.
How I didn’t let anyone get near you because I wanted you all for myself.
I was selfish and I admit it.

New strings and no dust.
Everything was mended, everything was fixed and all was forgiven.
Except for the scratches on your body, and my callused fingers.
These things serve a purpose though. They are ugly markers
of our troubled past and how we have over come and got past them.

Out of ugly comes beauty.
Your scratches defines how you aged with grace,
like how time makes better wine.
The calluses on my fingers also made me stronger.
I no longer hurt and I can play longer and better.
Win, win for both of us.
Guitar, I know that you don’t speak,
But by your body language and the fluent movement of your strings,
I hope that you have also forgiven me.
Now we are both free of hate, let us strum away into the night.




(Music References on Verse 4)
1. How’s it gonna be – Third Eye Blind
2. (sweet you rock, and sweet you roll ) Crash into me – Dave Matthews Band
3. Only wanna be with you – Hootie and the Blowfish
4. Wish you were here – Incubus
5. Wonderwall – Oasis
6. Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.
7. I want you bad- the Offspring
8. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
9. Caress me down - Sublime

Finally awake, prepare for random poems.
-Conrad.

You

I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
Been through hell and back and God is the only one who knows.

Now I am feeling very lucky that depression is subsiding and that
the pain clouds are clearing. Even with these love scars, I am
thankful to have survived what felt like a fatal shark attack.

Believe it or not,
It is you who got me smiling again, you who got me writing.
You who got me feeling, that true love might just be hiding
and that all it takes is time, a whole lot of patience and waiting.

They say, good things come to those who wait.
So I ask you, have you been good and waiting?
Cause you have definitely lured my heart with your
lovely eyes and your witty poetry as bait.

You, put the good back in my mornings.
You, put the lovely back in my nights.
You, put the sweetness back in my dreams.
You, are the main reason why I hug my pillow tight.

I don’t see you that often,
But somehow you are all that I’ve spoken.
You are the subject of my dreams.
You are the body of my poems.
You are the one that I desire.

You are the most probable reason,
on why my heart is beating faster.
Now vulnerable and open,
Like an arcade machine labeled
“Insert coin here” and I believe that
You have the token.

Even if it takes 50 first dates,
I would wait for you and do whatever it takes.
So you, please just sit there and hold on tight.
For now let’s enjoy our dinner and the company of the night.
For maybe one day, I will always be by your side.
With the feeling of never wanting to leave,
holding your hand, and at the same time happy
and contented while waiting for the morning light.

:)

Wanted: Juliet

A book is useless without a reader,
It only serves as mere paper weight.
Same goes for the heart,
Each beat has no meaning without Love.

As the words in this poem are ill fated,
without my target Juliet reading it.
At least it will be published and like a
wanted ad she might notice my words
and read it.

Life has been full of misfortunes for this
make believe Romeo.
Chapter by chapter, page by page is a story
of love lost, pain and heartbreak.

Maybe Cupid has lost his touch?
Or maybe it’s the other way around.
Cause every arrow that pierces me and breaks
Only makes me wiser and stronger with experience.
For this Romeo is a fool and knows that
learning from past mistakes, ain’t that easy
as baking a chicken pot pie or a chocolate cake.

Looking for a reader who can change this
wickedly awful depressing love streak.
One that has patience one that has brains.
One who is sweet,one who won’t drive me insane.
Not one who is like a zombie and will go for my brains.

If you are the subject of every word that I speak.
Read thy poem, just smile, there is no need to speak.

Does this Juliet exist?
Maybe she’s a poet and in turn will write about me too,
or maybe she’s a musician who can sing and strum away
my bad mood and the blues.
Maybe she’s a painter, who posses colorful pastels
or maybe a ballerina who will dance with me and make me
feel like I am floating on air.

Truth is, this hopeless romantic has given up on true love,
Love that is make believe and is only seen on movies
and on your T.V. screens.

Just looking for a Juliet who like him loves cookies and cream,
dinner and a movie, and coffee while staring at the moon beams.
A reader of books, a dreamer of dreams.
Part wild, part crazy, part cool, part lazy.

Juliet if you're out there, I am waiting.. :)

Night

The night is still young,
but I’m getting old.
As lovers pass by
and stories unfold.

The moon is half full,
but my glass is half empty.
Can’t get to bed,
cause thoughts of you eludes me.

As the cold wind blows,
my lonesomeness grows.
Wishing that you were in this empty bed,
expecting traces of your silhouette.

Sleep hasn’t claimed me,
my lady, oh if you could,please come and save me.
So for now I shall hug my pillow tight,
with only the lovely thoughts of you as my company,
bidding me to have a good and lovely night.
(dedicated for those people who could use some sleep :D)

Mom

Beauty and grace is always paired with your warm embrace.
You’ve been there through thick and thin.
Your patience never seem to falter,
even though we know that sometimes,
we kids are the cause of your demise and disaster.

Weak, Stubborn and Stupid is what I was before.
But with your guidance through perseverance and love,
I will be Strong, Steadfast, Smarter and more.

There is no amount of love greater than a child and his parents.
Through sickness and in health, you’ve been there for all of us.
No complaints, giving it all in exchange for nothing,
just for us to have a brighter shot at the future.

“Love Ya mom”, that is all I can say for now.
I know that with your mother’s intuition, you can feel that somehow.
We can never repay you so this somewhat poem has to suffice for now.
For one day I promise to make you proud and in your sweet voice, you’ll
Say something like this out loud:
“Not even for a single moment have I considered you kids as either demise
or disaster. If anything and I mean anything, you kids are the number one
source of my happiness and laughter!”
---------------------------------------------------------------
“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be.”

Reminds me of my mom, You Rock MoM!

Rain

Rain

The saying goes that when there are no stars in the night sky
that it's going to rain.
I haven't seen any stars, I guess I am just stuck here,
waiting in vain.

Waiting for drops from the heavenly sky.
Should I sit here idle or should I walk on by.

Waiting for rain drops, is like waiting for her kiss.
I can picture it in my dreams, but in reality it's
clouded just like the morning mist.

Patiently waiting for the first sign of rain fall,
my mind is literally spinning, waiting for her to fall.

As the drops of rain kisses the earth and the leaves,
you can see them dancing with bitter sweet release.

While the rain drops embrace me and my pain subsides,
I still have thoughts of her calling me, waiting and waving
signalling for me to come to her side.

Like a fool, I just stood there drenched in this lovely rain.
Maybe someday she'll be holding an umbrella and
will come forth calling my name.

Rain, Rain don't go away
please tell me that you're here to stay.





libo libong alaala, dala ng ambon ;)

Drinking the Night Away...

So...
after the fiesta celebration, well its a very common Filipino tradition to drink with your buddies. I got to admit, im not a fan of drinking, im a classified social drinker. But with the mixture of great friends, crazy stories and endless laughter it's a good thing to drink the night away and savor the good times, the past, present and the new.

I don't get so stupidly drunk that I can't walk home or remember anything in the morning, to me that's a lot of dead brain cells right there. I just enjoy the aspect of talking, seeing old and new friends passing by and asking them if they want to join in or a least have a glass of cold beer or as we call it over here "shot". Also the drinking part is really represents the warmth and the hospitality of us Filipinos. It's a combination of camaraderie amongst friends and family,and the wholeness aspect of a community. I also consider it as a form of freedom, sort of like speak easy's in the olden days, in which everyone has a voice or a say, whether it's about shitty politics, relationship problems, love or anything out of the ordinary, you know that your, drunk buddy is just beside you listening waiting for his turn to share.

Cheers Peeps
(and no im not drunk while writing this)
-Con

Giving Back!

Tambay: by Philippine definition, it's a term most commonly used for hanging out with your friends. Also it has its negative attachments, in society's judgemental eye, a "tambay's" definition is an individual who has no job. just sits around all day, drinking, smoking, free loading, good for nothing person. Well in my case, me and my buddies could be labeled as "tambay's" but most of the negative tags don't apply to us.

Exhibit A:
May,2 2010. Barangay Pitogo's Fiesta

We tambay's or as they use to call our group in our area "The Palku's", planned and organized an event to give back to the community. Our main focus was to host party games for the kids in our community and it all turned out well. I was quite surprised at how quick the whole thing was planned and put together, well... its kind of a no brainer since a bunch of us really gave their best efforts to make sure that everything goes according to plan. We each assigned individual groups for games, feeding program and alas my favorite the clean and green campaign (go environmental club).

First of to show their appreciation, the kids did a few dance numbers for us, which was really hilarious and fun at the same time. The kids were going crazy, dancing to the beat of lady gaga and some other pop songs. Their dance number also helped because it attracted and drew more and more kids to come join the fiasco.

Next, came the games...

(To the peeps abroad I will try to explain these games as best as I can for you to understand some Filipino Culture :D)

1.Pukpok Palayok: (Pukpok: to hit something/ Palayok: a pot used for cooking) lol, and yes that's the objective, the only twist is that you're blindfolded, easy right? Not... the first pot, none of the kids hit the pot dead on, so one of my buddies had to do it for them, but on the second pot, came sweet success. Oh for laughter purposes even though the pot is filled with coins and candy we also added baby powder. :)


2.Sack Race: Event number two was the typical sack race, the only twist was that it was girls vs. boys, and yep the race was very entertaing and competitive, a few kids fell on their butts, but the thought of winning candy and cash fueled their drive to win.


3. GawGaw Piso: forgive me I just invented the game title since I forgot what the game is called lol (Gawgaw: a powder like substance which I think is used for making glue/ Piso: referring to the filipino coin) First a one peso coin is placed in a medium cup, then the cup is filled with gawgaw. The objective is that you have to blow all the gawgaw off and if you manage to reveal the coin then we have a winner! the only drawback is the gawgaw literally sticks on your face so you end up looking like a crazy mime after. This was the event that drew the most laughter, all the kids were cheering for their buddies and at the same time laughing at their unrecognisable faces.

I know that we only had a few games but all the kids were satisfied and the smiles on their gawgaw filled faces were priceless.


Feeding Program:


Since it's our neighborhoods Fiesta, we decided to serve "Lomi", it's a type of noodle soup which is very thick, yet filling and delicious, (sadly, they don't have this kind of Dish in California, so that's a Nay for noodle lovers) We decided to serve it old school style, we cooked it in a huge pot outside the streets and we used random firewood for our burner which I thought was pretty cool. With their share of bread and a cold glass of ice tea, all the kids had their stomachs filled and all in all it was a success.

So yep, I admit it we are a bunch of Tambay's, I belong to a group of people who loves to hang out, enjoy each others company, tell endless stories of life and the awesome experiences that comes with it, but hey we definitely broke the mold, proving that we are not just good for nothing individuals who are freeloaders. Instead we appreciate the value of community, and that giving back even though it's only for the benefit of the kids is enough just for now. Kudos to all the Tambay's!